Buhtt sex?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
