Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize