This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
