it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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