Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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