I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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