the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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