Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Randomize
