3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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