So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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