tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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