My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I will die if light touches me.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize