So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
