And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
