god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You made out with two different species that night
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
