He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
