Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
