so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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