I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize