This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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