What a fucking waste of an outfit
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
