Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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