i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
