So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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