Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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