i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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