Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
