I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
