I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize