I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
