At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
