Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
