we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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