Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
