Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
