dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
