you guys were way drunker than both of me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
