i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
