A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
