If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
