i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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