I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
