My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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