About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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