Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
