party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
