mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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