Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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