Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
