In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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