I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
