I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Watching her eat just hurts me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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