I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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