Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
