Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
