And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
