You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
