Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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