Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
