if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
