I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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