Your dad touched me again.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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