theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
