she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
