i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
