im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
