About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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