you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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