ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
