The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
is it fun? or sober?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
