you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
