there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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