it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
