I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
