your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
