He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
3 2 1 whiskey
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
