I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Randomize
