My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize