Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i need some magic done to my vagina
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize