my vag is so smooth its legendary
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
