Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
