The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
