Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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