if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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