you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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