the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
