i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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